A drunk man !

A man of about fifties was in a bar. He was often falling off his stool about an interval of every couple of minutes. He was obviously drunk. 
So the bartender said a man next to him in the bar: "Why don't you be a good freind and drop him home."

The man takes the drunk man out of the exit door and to his car and he stumbles many times. They drive together and the drunk points out his house to the man. 

He stops his car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door, and said "Thank you very much for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

A Natural Death !

The waiting room of the renowned doctor's office was filled to full capacity, but the doctor was working at his usual slow pace as snail.

After waiting for more than three hours, an sick old man slowly stood up and head towards for the existing door.
Everyone stopped talking and look at him, he announced angrily in his low voice, I guess I'll just go home and die a natural death. Its better than doctors painful death. 

Idiot of the horse !

On early morning of Christmas, a police officer was on horseback sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his new shiny bike. 

The policeman said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there dude. Did Santa Clause brought that bike to you?" The kid replied, "Yes sir."  The policeman said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike. Got it?"

The policeman then proceeds to issue the kid a Rs 200.00 bike safety violation cheat. 
The kid takes the cheat and before he rides away says, "Sir, By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa brought that to you?" 

Humoring the kid, the policeman said, "Yeah, he sure did brought" The kid then replied, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the genious guy on top of the horse, instead of the idiot on it."

Mosquitoes !!!

A group of boys heads from the city to a camping trip. 
In the trip, The mosquitoes were so fierce and even they don't have any anti-mosquito repellant. 
The boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. 

When one peeped from under blanket, he saw some lightning bugs hovering around and he said to his friend, We might give up, there is no point in hiding under the blanket. Mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.

Now there are two !!!

Once there was a farmer who had planted watermelons in his farm. 
Some local kids would tresspass into his watermelon farm at night and eat watermelons.
So the number of watermelons decreases everday.

After some careful thinking he came up with an clever idea that he thought would scare those kids away. So he designed up the signboard and fixed it in the field. 

The next day the kids came and they read that signboard, it says, "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this farm has been injected with dangerous cyanide."
 
The kids run away, and came back with their own signboard and polled it next to that signboard of the farmer. 
The farmer showed up the next week and when he looks over the farm he notices that no watermelons were missing and became very happy.
But he notices a new signboard next to his board. 
He went to the sign board, it was written, "Now there are two in the field, find it out".

Farmer Fainted !

Have you Gone Fishing

A man was speeding up on an highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same high speed. 

However, when they passed a speed trap, a car of his got hammered with an infrared speed detector and was stopped back.. 

The officer took for his license and handed him the ticket, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Sir, I know I was over speeding, but I don’t think it’s dat much fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were also over speeding just as fast as I, so why did I only get the ticket?” 

The policeman suddenly asked the man “Have you ever gone  fishing? .

”Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied. 

The officer grinned and said, “Then Did you ever catch them all?”

May we have our teacher back?

While visiting a village school, the chairman of the Board of Education became annoyed at the noise the students were making in the next class.

In anger, he opened the door and dragged one of the taller boy who seems to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and make him stood in the corner.

Few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded the chairman, “Sir, Please may we have our teacher back?”

O My God ! O My God !

Once in an Airplane, a pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane after take off, ”Thank you for flying with us this morning. The Sunny weather is…..”

After a while, suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the loud speakers.

“Oh my God! OMG!!! OMG!!! This is going to hurt a lot….Its burning, Its burning”

There was a pin drop silence, everybody was so scared.
Pilot gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers.

“I sincerely apologise for the incident, the air hostess dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap… you should see my pants from the front”

Then a passenger replies, “Why don’t you come here and see our PANTS FROM BEHIND!”

Are you kidding me ???

A fresh jobless guy went for interview. At the end of the interview, the Human Resourses Person Asked the guy, "What is your exceptation of your starting salary ? "

The guy said, "I would like to have Rs 500,000 per year minmum depending upon the other benefits packages provided. "

Hearing upon the guy, the HR person replied, "Ah, we offer you a month vacation outside of the country on our office expences on fooding and lodging, 2 weeks of internal paid holiday, full medical and life insurance upto Rs 500,000, definately provident fund equal to your salary, and a company new car changed every year! What you say ? "

The fresher was amazed, stand up surprisingly  and said, "WOW ! Thats unbelievable! Are you kidding me ??? "

HR Person Said, "Certainly, ... but you started it first. " :D

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